Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
