I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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