We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
