he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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