Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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