you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
