soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
