I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
