Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
