You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
