omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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