This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
