Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
