Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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