I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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