the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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