Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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