Got a toothbrush?
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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