Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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