I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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