I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont even know how to be here
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
