i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
