he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
