why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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