dude i'm inner monologue high
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
bring money and cleavage
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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