My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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