Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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