Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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