Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
