shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
