Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
