Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
