I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
