she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
