you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
