I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
