they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
