I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
