Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
