Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
