Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
