why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont even know how to be here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
