We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
