he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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