Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
a search helicopter?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
