my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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