I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
