puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Someone came in the potted fern
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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