so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize