I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
