Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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