hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Houston, we have a blender
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
