he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
