i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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