i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
