I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Your dad touched me again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
