i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
