my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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