morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
