we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
