Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
