Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
