Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
