get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize