i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
