Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
