Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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