She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
