I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Found the puke drawer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize