She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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